Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Orange is back.
Whhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it's in 17 hrs time.


And Hmmm..I'm 23 blearh.

Seriously am mad.
If its your bloody responibility jolly well get it done without implicating others.
So what if you think they're not gonna hang a fucking pig.
IT'S A MATTER OF RESPONIBILITY. YOU STOOD UP TO BE LEADER then LEAD.

But babe when you said WAS "apparently" settled. Honour your word.

Don't point at me and chastise me for being on a moral high horse. Call it selfish.
But i call it Survival and doing what's right.
Your own personal baattles are weary yes but you can choose to die with lesser scrapes.
I know your life is a sodden song. And it's all real but staying in a hovel and hopping from one trouble to another is not helping.

And if one dies cos of materials its so not worth it.

And yes I am MAD.

There is hope yet..

It has been a nice morning. Things better work out even better for the rest of the day. I've got a review, a voice-over job, and meeting Khim later. Although I was late for work today and had to part with my money again for a ride, I suppose it was worth it. Made me see that at least there are pretty decent Singaporeans around.

--------------------

Know how I am always complaining about BLATANT CAB SNATCHERS yeah it happened again today. But it wasn't all that bad this time. So there I was waiting along the side of the road for a cab at 08:35 REDS.. BLUES.. GREENS.. YELLOWS.. the occasional Silver and Black ones.
All had passengers.

I was not alone.

Standing before me was someone else. A lady nono a girl.. (gah a female) She looked young very early twenties, petite carrying a pink handbag and a laptop. Hair still wet and dripping. She was obviously late for work as I was.

So there again we stood, Morning sun blazing overhead, two girls hoping desperately for a cab.We acknowledged each others presence with a nod and a bashful smile that signaled, "Late for work again eh..".

Hands flagging, lips biting, fringe blowing, eyes squinting...

And then ONE popped out. CAB SNATCHER I. 08:50

Profile:Ah Pek in white trishaw singlet size L, Shorts that looked as though they were once long,now snipped off to knee length. He deftly and expertly, swoofed ahead and got on smugly into a Comfort.

I was flabbergasted, gave a desperate silent "WHAT" and laughed bitterly.

The lady turned to me and shook her head.

I responded with a silent "Can you belive that"look.

So there (I know I've said this 3 times and repetition isn't good) we stood, and by now a man came and stood by.

A cab whizzed in the opposite direction that said "Jurong" but made a turn and after a few words she hopped on. 08:55. I was happy for her. We smiled at each other and said our byes.

And now back to me. I was by now resigned to the fate that yes I will be late terribly 08:58

After awhile of waiting. The guy that joined us decided to cross the road to test his luck.
And lucky he was.

A cab appeared from the carpark on the other side of the road and I watched him bend over to speak to the cabbie.

BUTTTTTTTTT. I spotted CAB SNATCHER 2, that vermin popping out from a void deck and standing before me, obviously seeing me still vigourously stretched her claws out and flagged.

I vocalised my thoughts this time but not too loudly muttered "WHAT THE FUCK ARGH ANOTHER ONE"

And suddenly a cab with the BUSY light atop stopped before me. He said,"That guy over there told me to turn and pick you up first cos you've been waiting for a long time."

AHHH GOOD GRACIOUS ANGELS IN SINGAPORE!!

I waved and beamed at that man across the road. 09:10. And I think I.. ermerm.. did a salute. (How archaic and how embarassing on hindsight. He must have thought me queer)-__-''' Anyway the cabbie was nice, he was not talking about the government or complaining for once.

And I tipped him. Not alot i aint some rich tai-tai. Fare was S$9.30 but I gave him a tenner. Cos I thought Niceness should be spread. Though I was late, Ten bucks poorer.. but HEY I didn't get a pocketful of change this time.

A List of Insults from Famous People

A List of Insults from Famous People
"A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults." -Louis Nizer (1902 - 1994)
1994)

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I've just learned about his illness; let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"I have never killed a man but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul." - David Lloyd George

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"His ears made him look like a taxicab with both doors open." - Howard Hughes (about Clark Gable)

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack E. Leonard

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

"You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy and I bet he was glad to get rid of it." - Groucho Marx

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" Mark Twain

"A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity." - Mark Twain

"I didn't attend the funeral but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends."- Oscar Wilde

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts--for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) >>

Corporate Lesson

Corporate Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel,"
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps
back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.


When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable exposure.





Corporate Lesson 2:
A priest offered a lift to a Nun.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his! hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand
slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.

It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you
might miss a great opportunity.





Corporate Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk.
"I want to be in the Ba! hamas, driving a speedboat, without a care
in the world." Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.


"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say


Corporate Lesson 4:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day
long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very high up.


Corporate Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to Get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top
of the tree.
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bulls%@t might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there.

Toshio

CHILDREN'S BOOKS YOU'LL NEVER SEE

"Pop! Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games"

"You Were an Accident"

"Strangers Have the Best Candy"

"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"

"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"

"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"

"All Dogs Go to Hell"

"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"

"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God Did It"

"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"

"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"

"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"

"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"

"You Are Different and That's Bad"

"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"

"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"

"The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"

"Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse"

"The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"

"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"

"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"

"How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"

"Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"

INTELLIGENT DESIGN

INTELLIGENT DESIGN
by PAUL RUDNICK
The New Yorker
Issue of 2005-09-26

Day No. 1:
And the Lord God said, “Let there be light,” and lo, there was light. But then the Lord God said, “Wait, what if I make it a sort of rosy, sunset-at-the-beach, filtered half-light, so that everything else I design will look younger?”
“I’m loving that,” said Buddha. “It’s new.”
“You should design a restaurant,” added Allah.

Day No. 2:
“Today,” the Lord God said, “let’s do land.” And lo, there was land.
“Well, it’s really not just land,” noted Vishnu. “You’ve got mountains and valleys and—is that lava?”
“It’s not a single statement,” said the Lord God. “I want it to say, ‘Yes, this is land, but it’s not afraid to ooze.’ ”
“It’s really a backdrop, a sort of blank canvas,” put in Apollo. “It’s, like, minimalism, only with scale.”
“But—brown?” Buddha asked.
“Brown with infinite variations,” said the Lord God. “Taupe, ochre, burnt umber—they’re called earth tones.”
“I wasn’t criticizing,” said Buddha. “I was just noticing.”

Day No. 3:
“Just to make everyone happy,” said the Lord God, “today I’m thinking oceans, for contrast.”
“It’s wet, it’s deep, yet it’s frothy; it’s design without dogma,” said Buddha, approvingly.
“Now, there’s movement,” agreed Allah. “It’s not just ‘Hi, I’m a planet—no splashing.’ ”
“But are those ice caps?” inquired Thor. “Is this a coherent vision, or a highball?”
“I can do ice caps if I want to,” sniffed the Lord God.
“It’s about a mood,” said the Angel Moroni, supportively.
“Thank you,” said the Lord God.

Day No. 4:
“One word,” said the Lord God. “Landscaping. But I want it to look natural, as if it all somehow just happened.”
“Do rain forests,” suggested a primitive tribal god, who was known only as a clicking noise.
“Rain forests here,” decreed the Lord God. “And deserts there. For a spa feeling.”
“Which is fresh, but let’s give it glow,” said Buddha. “Polished stones and bamboo, with a soothing trickle of something.”
“I know where you’re going,” said the Lord God. “But why am I seeing scented candles and a signature body wash?”
“Shut up,” said Buddha.
“You shut up,” said the Lord God.
“It’s all about the mix,” Allah declared in a calming voice. “Now let’s look at some swatches.”

Day No. 5:
“I’d like to design some creatures of the sea,” the Lord God said. “Sleek but not slick.”
“Yes, yes, and more yes—it’s a total gills moment,” said Apollo. “But what if you added wings?”
“Fussy,” whispered Buddha to Zeus. “Why not epaulets and a sash?”
“Legs,” said Allah. “Now let’s do legs.”
“Are we already doing dining-room tables?” asked the Lord God, confused.
“No, design some creatures with legs,” said Allah. So the Lord God, nodding, designed an ostrich.
“First draft,” everyone agreed, and so the Lord God designed an alligator.
“There’s gonna be a waiting list,” Zeus murmured appreciatively.
“Now do puppies!” pleaded Vishnu. “And kitties!”
“Ooooo!” all the gods cooed. Then, feeling a bit embarrassed, Zeus ventured, “Design something more practical, like a horse or a mule.”
“What about a koala?” asked the Lord God.
“Much better,” Zeus declared, cuddling the furry little animal. “I’m going to call him Buttons.”

Day No. 6:
“Today I’m really going out there,” said the Lord God. “And I know it won’t be popular at first, and you’re all gonna be saying, ‘Earth to Lord God,’ but in a few million years it’s going to be timeless. I’m going to design a man.”
And everyone looked upon the man that the Lord God designed.
“It has your eyes,” Zeus told the Lord God.
“Does it stack?” inquired Allah.
“It has a naïve, folk-artsy, I-made-it-myself vibe,” said Buddha. The Inca sun god, however, only scoffed. “Been there. Evolution,” he said. “It’s called a shaved monkey.”
“I like it,” protested Buddha. “But it can’t work a strapless dress.” Everyone agreed on this point, so the Lord God announced, “Well, what if I give it nice round breasts and lose the penis?”
“Yes,” the gods said immediately.
“Now it’s intelligent,” said Aphrodite.
“But what if I made it blond?” giggled the Lord God.
“And what if I made you a booming offscreen voice in a lot of bad movies?” asked Aphrodite.

Day No. 7:
“You know, I’m really feeling good about this whole intelligent-design deal,” said the Lord God. “But do you think that I could redo it, keeping the quality but making it at a price point we could all live with?”
“I’m not sure,” said Buddha. “You mean, what if you designed a really basic, no-frills planet? Like, do the man and the woman really need all those toes?”
“Hello!” said the Lord God. “Clean lines, no moving parts, functional but fun. Three bright, happy, wash ’n’ go colors.”
“Swedish meets Japanese, with maybe a Platinum Collector’s Edition for the geeks,” Buddha decided.
“Done,” said the Lord God. “Now let’s start thinking about Pluto. What if everything on Pluto was brushed aluminum?”
“You mean, let’s do Neptune again?” said Buddha